RawLaw

DIDJA MISS ME?!! I skipped a day for exam purposes. Sorry. It was a lonely time. I hope I don't have to do that again, but, well, I'm a little bit screwed. My exam today went well, oh yes, very well. I had to read 15 pages and spot eleventy billion issues with 3.5 seconds per issue. Trauma. I had to skip through rules and tests and just note the conclusion and skip smaller issues and hurry along and then, at the three-hour mark, I stopped. I took a deeeeeep breath and spell-checked (NO! NO! Acquirer and Target, not T&A!). Then I sat there and got all excited that I was done. And I sat there, getting a little impatient for the proctors to call time. And then another minute or two passed, and everyone was still working diligently, and LIGHTBULB! THIS IS A FOUR EXAM EXAM NOT THREE, RAW YOU DIPSHIT ASSBAG. This is how I treat myself under extreme stress. Except I didn't call myself Raw, because that would mean I have serious identity issues in addition to self-flagellating ones. I just sat there, dumbstruck as George Bush in front of an English dictionary. I quite literally had this thought sequence: "Now is the time of decisions. I have four options. One: Abandon ship. Can't do that--I'm way too anal. Two: Have a melt down. Three: Fake a coked-out seizure and aim to retake the test later. These two are possible. Four: stop inventing ways to turn my Diet Coke into foam at the mouth and fix this piece of shit exam in front of me." I chose #4. Wise choice, now that I think about it. I feel like I've grown as a person. I distinctly remember making myself puke in the fourth grade when I couldn't remember the answer to a multiple choice question. One of something like twenty, by the way. I don't claim a normal childhood. I'm not looking for applause or anything, but this is a momentous event for me. I've grown as a person. Law school has severed my self-worth from the quality of work I accomplish. I now value myself on other things, like how many reality TV shows I can freely converse about, how much pepper I can snort, or how many fun articles I'm the first to post on a blog. Yay.