Monday, February 28, 2005
It's girl scout cookie time. I just got a giant delivery that I very stupidly placed a few weeks ago. I forgot that 7 boxes of cookies = 7 days of cookies. The Girl Scouts are clever, oh yes they are. They calculate the amount of time it takes consumers of last year's cookie batch to forget that they inhaled the cookies like a Dyson. Then they cross-check it with the amount of time consumers can still recall the cookies' sweet, soft caress on their tongue. And then they only sell the cookies in the overlapping time period.Girl Scouts are cold, cynical people who exploit this country's propensity toward obesity. They've got a kind exterior with barracuda insides, like Sallie Mae. They're like cigarette companies with a sweet tooth. Someone get Truth to target Girl Scouts. They should shoot commercials outside Girl Scout headquarters with a mom of whale-like obesity on a stretcher, with her children crying next to the cot because their mother can't teach them how to build a fire out of laundry lint or perform a panty raid. Or whatever it is that Girl Scouts do to get a badge these days.
